The Place in my Mind’s Maze

Posted on by Ishita Gupta

I walk down the cobbled pathway, my head down. For a reason unbeknownst, I always felt comfortable walking with my head down. Not from shame, or guilt. No. I just felt better like that. I just did. The cobbled pathway has changed, I notice. Wild flowers fill the tiny spaces, and little pieces of grass are visible, if you look closely. Or maybe it is my imagination, I’m not sure.

I almost reach the end of the pathway, and I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what’s to come. I slow my pace down at first, but then my entire abdomen goes berserk, and my legs feel wobbly, I struggle to walk. I stop but then pick up my pace. Somehow, I force myself to run. I shut my eyes close, I close them tightly, to even block out the light of the setting sun. I count my steps; I walk blindly. After a minute, I reach there. The place I dread. I know I have reached, I just always know. I slowly open my eyes. As my eyes fully open, I draw in my breath.

I am surprised, beyond surprised. Because I didn’t expect to see what I saw. In all these years, many things had changed, but not this. Never this. No matter how many times I wept and wished, it never changed. Everything did, but this was stubborn; like me perhaps. Tears well up in my eyes, as I walk towards it. Towards what, exactly? Towards an empty space.

Yes, I was happy to see an empty space. But why? Yes, that place stood for all the sufferings, all the pain in my life. But didn’t it also contain a memory of those I loved, things that I once treasured? But I know it doesn’t matter, not now, after all these years. I stand where the grey building once stood. That building with no windows, no doors, no nothing. It was like a box. But now it is not there. I gently remove some of the dirt from the ground. Something is written on it. My name. As I read it, I smile.

I wake up. To another mundane day, someone might say. But I know this day is special. I mark it on my calendar. As I make myself a cup of coffee, I ponder upon my recurring dream. It was more than a dream, I always knew. It was more like a hidden passageway of my brain, and my heart too, perhaps. The Place, haunted me. Somehow, my misery used to trap me inside of me. I was caged in a box, with darkness all around. But I finally found the light in the darkness, the white in the black and the stars in a starless sky. I finally let go.

-Ishita Gupta

The picture of the moon was taken by me through a telescope many years ago, when I went to a school astronomy trip. It is actually the image of the real moon! It just felt so right with this post!

18 thoughts on “The Place in my Mind’s Maze”

  3. Absolutely stunning!!!!!! A monumental piece in your collection. Resonant and strong, yet it still has a pronounced poetic taste to it. Very hued and nuanced in its edges.

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  6. Ishita this is truly beautifully written. I love this piece.
    “I was caged in a box, with darkness all around. But I finally found the light in the darkness, the white in the black and the stars in a starless sky. I finally let go.”
    You ended this so beautifully dear Ishita.
    It begs to ask questions, one is left longing for more of your story.
    Truly lovely writing my sweet friend.
    Love 💕 and many hugs to you, I am sending you wonderful thoughts filled with love ❤️ this morning from NC. Joni

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    1. Thank you from the bottom of my heart sweet Joni💞💞

      “It begs to ask questions, one is left longing for more of your story.” Thank you sooo much dear!! If a reader is left wanting more….oh thank you so much! I’m going to treasure these words.

      Love and hugs right back to you🤗🤗♥️
      Ishita

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Published by Ishita Gupta

I am a girl who has chosen to explore and experience her life through words. Born and brought up in India, I am an avid reader, feminist, potterhead and a Biology student. I am also trained in a form of Indian classical dance, Kathak, and am currently learning contemporary dance style. Writing and poetry, for me, are a medium to channel my hidden emotions and also to create a change in the society. Please feel free to drop your feedback!